Just in case you didn’t think MMA had slid too far down the slippery slope of ’sports entertainment’ comes an event that makes Yamma Pit Fighting look like PRIDE Final Conflict Absolute.

Were I going to put together the absolute worst MMA card I possibly could there’s no question that Butterbean would have to be the headliner. And he couldn’t just pound on *any* longshoreman or nightclub bouncer–you’ve got to give him the walking definition of ’shot fighter’, Tank Abbott. For those of you scoring at home, Tank has a record of 2-8 since 1998, with wins over Wesley ‘Cabbage’ Corriera and Mike Bourke. Bourke has a career record of 8-12, and every MMA fan knows what ‘Cabbage’s’ deal is. Tank used to brag about not training during his UFC run, and its very likely that he hasn’t seen the inside of a gym since the Clinton Administration.

So now that we’ve got the absolute worst possible main event imaginable, we need a real freak show on the undercard. Sure, Strikeforce has Herschel Walker but Walker is a legit athlete–and a very *tough* one at that. He may be pushing 50, but he looks like he’s 30 and could still play in the NFL on Sundays. We need a guy who makes Jose Canseco look like Renzo Gracie.

Hmm…instead of getting a real tough guy lets get a guy who *raps* about being a real tough guy. And no one fills the bill better than DMX, the very talented rapper who according to my hip hop sources has become what is known in street parlance as a ‘basehead’. In other words, he’s been more interested in the crack pipe than the MC’s mic in recent years. DMX’s ‘What’s My Name’ is a classic ring entrance song used by, among other people, Mike Tyson as he entered to fight Lennox Lewis. And his ‘Intro’ from his debut album ‘It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot’ was Chuck Liddell’s longtime entrance music. That’s not much of a fight sport resume, but its enough for our purposes.

Sound like a nightmare for MMA purists? Guess again–it’s really happening. Wonder what the UFC will do to counter-program *this* megacard?

Here’s DMX’s ‘Intro’, which Chuck Liddell used until recently–he entered to the classic ‘Raining Blood’ by Slayer for his last fight:

And here’s Mike Tyson entering to ‘What’s My Name’ prior to getting beaten like a rented mule by Lennox Lewis: